I’m learning to feel again. The places inside me that have been closed off are opening again. The shadowlands of my soul are being exposed. The questions I ask inwardly are making their way out of the deep down & are howling from vexation. I’m saying out loud what has been inside for so long & it’s billowing mess. & I realize I’ve been asking for this, but the light is just so bright & the burden so heavy. I am she who feels so deeply & I can recall why I’ve trapped everything inside for so long. Ache has a way of filling every gap & crevice. The “whys” have a way of lingering & reining your wildness in & manufacturing a desperation for the ease of shallow living. But I can’t live like this, my being so thick & cloudy & cowardly. I must don my my armor & shield, place flowers in my hair, & journey deep into my unknown. I must feel the ache & still seek the beauty. It’s who I am, who I’ve always been.
with tangled hair i twirl, messy, & free. i believe in honesty: raw, messy, beautiful, ugly honesty, a heart full of wonder, & eyes of grace. i spend my days hammering out life giving words of self love & boldness. i have a deep tenderness for all living souls & hope to encourage to live out loud every bit of the self & to call the troubles mere poetic wanderings.
I feel my boots
trying to leave the ground,
I feel my heart
pumping hard, I want
to think again of dangerous and noble things.
I want to be light and frolicsome.
I want to be improbable beautiful and afraid of nothing,
as though I had wings.
- Mary Oliver, Starlings in Winter